i get it...

i have had a VERY hard time facing this week... mainly because it's the week of my birthday. i am 

THIRTEEEEEEEEEE-FIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actually, today is the day. in case you didn't know me then, ten years ago (and for many years before) we didn't just celebrate my actual birth-day. we celebrated my birth-month. and by "we", i mean everyone. everyone knew my birthday was on it's way. i made sure of it. then life changed and the pendulum, well it's been heading in the opposite direction for years. yesterday, that pendulum hit its end. i actually said i didn't want to celebrate my birthday. WHAT??? i know, grant and chay, the impossible has actually happened. 

i think a lot of this has come from quite a bit of self-reflection i've been doing lately. apparently i should stop. i certainly don't "feel" thirty-five, but then again, i don't actually know what thirty-five is supposed to feel like. i guess in my head it's a transition age.  things like no more babies, and actually old enough to have given birth to a high-school senior when, in my head i am only twenty-two. how the heck does this happen? where does the time go? how is it possible that my "first child" (hayden) is about to be 15? how is it possible that gracie is halfway to college? WHAT???? this is nuts. oh, there's more reflecting that's gone on, but you get the idea.

and then this morning, while in the shower, i had a God-moment... yep, the kind that aren't your idea. wanna know what the outcome of it was? it was the revelation that i today is not just another birthday i am obligated to, i get another day... because my Papa numbered them and He has good plans for me for today.

my Heavenly Father has blessed me with another day that i get to be His girl... i get the opportunity to say yes to Him and whatever He asks of me... i get to be part of a plan that brings Him glory...

today, i get it.