get lost.

meet wigglesworth, the tooth cale cannot lose. 

cale tried. i tried. aunt b tried. miss karla wants to try.

i'm pretty sure i can see wigglesworth's replacement when it moves to the side.

and yet wigglesworth insists on staying the course.

it sticks out, pushes in, and shifts both ways. 

it's holding on by a thread... root... whatever. 

wigglesworth... your days are numbered.

i get it...

i have had a VERY hard time facing this week... mainly because it's the week of my birthday. i am 

THIRTEEEEEEEEEE-FIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actually, today is the day. in case you didn't know me then, ten years ago (and for many years before) we didn't just celebrate my actual birth-day. we celebrated my birth-month. and by "we", i mean everyone. everyone knew my birthday was on it's way. i made sure of it. then life changed and the pendulum, well it's been heading in the opposite direction for years. yesterday, that pendulum hit its end. i actually said i didn't want to celebrate my birthday. WHAT??? i know, grant and chay, the impossible has actually happened. 

i think a lot of this has come from quite a bit of self-reflection i've been doing lately. apparently i should stop. i certainly don't "feel" thirty-five, but then again, i don't actually know what thirty-five is supposed to feel like. i guess in my head it's a transition age.  things like no more babies, and actually old enough to have given birth to a high-school senior when, in my head i am only twenty-two. how the heck does this happen? where does the time go? how is it possible that my "first child" (hayden) is about to be 15? how is it possible that gracie is halfway to college? WHAT???? this is nuts. oh, there's more reflecting that's gone on, but you get the idea.

and then this morning, while in the shower, i had a God-moment... yep, the kind that aren't your idea. wanna know what the outcome of it was? it was the revelation that i today is not just another birthday i am obligated to, i get another day... because my Papa numbered them and He has good plans for me for today.

my Heavenly Father has blessed me with another day that i get to be His girl... i get the opportunity to say yes to Him and whatever He asks of me... i get to be part of a plan that brings Him glory...

today, i get it. 

tape and all...

i know it's hard to imagine, but my sweet little lily-bug got in trouble one recent evening and was sent to her room. i went in to talk to her once she'd peeled herself off the ceiling for having been sequestered, and found her sitting on her bed, leaning against the wall. it just so happened that she was leaning in the very spot i had taped up an art project she brought home from school... one of those sweet little finger/hand painting projects. so, as she was flailing about (oh, the drama), her hand caught a corner of the picture and it began to rip. i told her how much i liked it, and asked her to be careful so it wouldn't tear any more. wouldn't you know, that precious little angel that God gave me looked right at me... AND RIPPED IT INTO PIECES!!!! oh, girl... noyoudit-untt... SHE DID! i scooped it up and dramatically told her it was headed to the trashcan! and so i did. 

but then as i stood there at the kitchen counter, i began to think about what had just transpired. i thought about my own life... i thought about times i have done the same thing in God's face. BAM! how's that for a little dose of spiritual reality? i had an idea. the kind of ideas that you know are not your own... i decided to take the pieces out of the trash to see if i could put them back together. 

as i did, i thought about how sweet my Heavenly Father is to do the same for me... and for you.

i thought about how we can make a mess of a situation, sometimes it's intentional and sometimes not, but if we will allow Him, He will put our pieces back together... regardless of how disastrous it might seem... He is bigger. 

and before we start feeling ashamed of our dirty, junky pieces, remember that the tape and the lines are nothing to be ashamed of... they are evidence of God's work in us.

lily's picture is on the fridge where i see it several times a day... what a reminder of the grace we are given by our Father who love us unconditionally and longs for us to allow Him to heal and make us whole... tape and all.