joo-bee 101

had to stop for gas after leaving the office tonight. as we got ready to pull out, the following conversation happened...

me: "lily, did you get your seat belt on?"

lily: "yep."

me: "ok, just making sure. i can see a policeman up ahead."

lily: "we don't want to get stopped."

me: "nope."

lily: "if he stops us, we might go to jail... and that would be no fun."

me: "you're right. that would not be fun."

lily: "we might go to jail... or we might go to joo-bee."

me: "WHHHHAAAAAT???"

lily: "you know mom, jail is for adults and joo-bee is for kids."

me: "hold on, did you just say ju-vee?"

lily: "yes, joo-bee. it's where kids go when they hafta go to jail."

me: "oh my... ok, lily... um, where did you hear about joo-bee?"

lily: "from gracie. she said kids go to joo-bee when they go to jail. kids like to go to joo-bee."

me: "lily, kids do not like to go to joo-bee. it's not a fun place."

lily: "i know. i was kidding. it's not a fun place. they make 'em eat yucky stuff."

me: "oh yeah, like what?"

lily: "ummm... like rotten fish. and when they're bad they get bad emails sent."

at this point i decided it best to just keep the remainder of my questions and comments to myself...

and just in case you're wondering, gracie has completely denied any part of her sister hearing about "joo-bee"...

#wheredoesshegetthisstuff
#whatamigonnado
#imgonnaneedsomemorescripturesandsomebackup

then... 

and now...

what a difference 4 years makes. they are growing too fast. seems as though we blink and they are big. it is marvelous and amazing, yet gut-wrenching all at the same time. it is such an amazing gift God has given to us... we get to be their parents. we get to love them and grow with them... such sweetness that God chose us for them.

p.s... i just want to call your attention to the boots... because it's just... so... lily.

but what would any outfit be without a little lily-flair?

deep thoughts by cale g.

Let me just set this little scene for you…  

Lily was sharing at the dinner table last night about a little girl who hasn’t been very nice to her lately. Now I know Lily can be soooooooooooo Lily-ish, but she is a girl who loves her friends. Oh, they clash sometimes… like 5 year olds who want to be in charge, but she loves them.  So we’re talking about this particular little girl, how she’s sometimes mean… and sassy… and storms off when it’s not her way. We talk about how Lily should still be kind to this little girl, but that doesn’t mean she has to take all that mean sass either.

Lily: “… and she was mean-a-me!”

Me: “well…”

Cale (who doesn’t even look up from his enchiladas): “I don’t know why anybody would go for a girl like that.”

And just like that… end of discussion… I just couldn’t… I mean I had nothing else. Nothing. He just wrapped it and tied it with a pretty little bow.

***Note:  to any girl who might ever be interested in Cale… apparently he doesn’t like mean girls. 

one year later...

I don't usually tend to dwell on the past, but all day today I have found myself very reflective and emotional. One year ago at this very moment, Cale was 3 hours into a 4 hour emergency brain surgery. As I have spent much of my day today reliving each moment of the whirlwind of craziness that it was, what I keep being reminded of was how undeniable God's presence was in every detail of Cale's ordeal and how His faithfulness shines through each and every single memory I have. I wanted to share a few scriptures we were given during that time ministered to our family and continue to speak life over Cale. 

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; (Psalm 91:11 NIV)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

and my personal favorite... (the word "preserve" was spoken over Cale many times in the initial events)... 

The Lord protects and preserves them— they are counted among the blessed in the land— he does not give them over to the desire of their foes. (Psalm 41:2 NIV)

Kyle and I believe, with every fiber of our beings, that Cale's healing has been nothing short of a miracle. There were so many ways this could have turned out differently, but it didn't. We know that it was God's hand bringing abundant life and wholeness to our sweet boy. We believe God was guarding Cale from the very instant the accident happened. We believe that God was with us and our entire family, holding us, and strengthening us. We believe that God has PRESERVED Cale for His purposes. 

Our family has seen first hand what it looks like when God works so mightily on our behalf... and one year later, we are blessed and still in awe. 

As Your children, and as a family, we give you all the praise and glory for this precious miracle. Thank you, Father, for Your mighty works.

I struggle. You struggle. We struggle.

I wrote this over 2 weeks ago and have had such a hard time posting it. I guess I've wrestled with what the response would be... but it has been and continues to be on my heart. So, here it goes…

Guess what? I struggle. There, I said it. It’s true and it’s often. Some days I’m ok with it all and feel like I can tackle whatever is on the agenda and other days, not so much. Then there are the days that I feel like an epic failure everywhere I am. I know I’m not the only one… admit it. Most of the time they’re small little things that need to be done or sometimes it’s extra pressure I put on myself that all add up to AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. I said it. You wanna know something else? Sometimes I get so overwhelmed, I just wanna scream. I mean really, and not just on paper. Wanna know something else? Last night I did. Right in the middle of the chaos of my sweet life. I wish you could’ve seen the looks on their faces. Every one of them stopped and just looked at me like I was nuts. I don’t know why it was so strange to them. They do it. What’s the difference? It’s that I’m the mama. I’m not supposed to act like that. I’m not supposed to want to scream. I’m supposed to have it all together. Sometimes I just don’t. Ok, lots of times I don’t.

There always seems to be a laundry list of things we allow ourselves to be consumed by. Some of us worry we are not the doting, encouraging wife we should be. Some of us worry that we are not skinny enough or pretty enough. We worry that we are not super-mom enough or pinteresty (yes, I just made that up) enough. And my problem is that I want to be super-mom. Some of us forget things that we need to do, or I forget things I said I would do. I often forget what I was saying mid-sentence, cause there’s always so much running through my brain. You’ll be glad to know that I haven’t forgotten my children anywhere… yet. I kid. Seriously though, I’m worried right now as I type, laying this all out in the open. What if someone thinks I’m crazy for writing this? We worry that our houses aren’t clean enough or big enough or good enough to open it to share life with others.  I don’t like that sometimes I say harsh things in anger that I can’t take back. I hate it that I get so bogged down with the everyday cares of life that I miss seeing the blessings right in front of me. We get so focused on ourselves that we don't see the person who needs a kind word or even a smile to change their day. I struggle with other people knowing I’m struggling. And, it makes me nutty that it takes me 10 days and 3 reminders from the school to remember to send lunch money with for the kids… good thing they know where to find me… although, it apparently doesn’t matter. Do you see what I mean!?!?!

So in the mulling over of my epic failures, it hit me... thank you, God, that You allow me to be free to struggle. Did you get that? We are free to struggle. That is the very point of His unmerited grace. God knows we are not perfect, and He never asked us to be. Jesus was the only one who was. It’s really so easy to get sidetracked and consumed with the struggles of life that we forget that what God really wants is not for us to be all of those things or do all of those things. All He wants is all of me… all of you. And because we are so easily sidetracked… squirrel… He constantly gives opportunities to choose Him again and again. And because we will mess up again and again, His mercy is new every day. I can fail and fail and fail at whatever, but He doesn’t. Ever.

Let’s just be honest with each other. We will never be the perfect little wives… with the perfect children whose every hair is in place and everything part of their outfit matches… and the perfect houses… decorated with the perfect pinterest project. My job isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be His and to love others. Matter of fact, I think I’ll stop trying. Instead, I’ll try to teach my children what grace looks like lived out in the midst of our craziness. I will ask forgiveness when I say things I shouldn’t. I will do my best to be less offended when something is said harshly to me, and extend grace to the mouth saying it. I will try to look past my stuff to see the person standing close who needs a smile, and encouraging word, or just a hug. I’ll say to my friends, “you just c’mon over… I’ll move the laundry from the couch, and then I’ll getcha some Oreos and milk.” I will still have days when I’m overwhelmed. And don't get too optimistic, because I will probably still forget where I’m supposed to be and what I was saying. However, I will try to be overwhelmed with His sweet grace rather than the cares of my every day. 

yay for back to school!!!!

honestly, i've been trying all day to come up with something witty to accompany the kids pictures from the first day of school, and have come to the conclusion that there really are 

just no words necessary... 

attempt #1...

attempt #2...

attempt #3...

help me out a little... can a girl at least get points for two outta three?

this, however, made it all better... 

sweet victory.

"mom, i need some butter!"

several weeks ago, cale and his we-are-like-brothers-best-buddy, mason, decided to prank lilybug. 

unbeknownst to us, they got the butter and slathered her doorknob. 

it was pretty funny. we were impressed. 

lily was not.

fast forward to last week. it's 9:45 pm. past my bedtime. 

lily comes to me with and says, "hey mom, i need some butter!"

what?!?!?!

"yeah, i'm gonna prank cale!" 

(that comment was followed by a laugh that would rival any cartoon villian. oh how i wish you could hear it.) 

what?!?!?!

"c'mon mom!"

ummm... ok!

it was funny. especially cale's reaction. he freaked, ran away, and came back with a towel completely puzzled until he saw us laughing... then he realized lily got him. 

quite amusing for 3 little kiddos, i'd say.

as a bystander, my advice to cale and mason would be this...

you boys should really watch it. 

cause i'm pretty sure you have no idea who you're messing with...

she's paying attention.

happy 5th birthday, bug!

five years ago today we were blessed with sweet lilybug. 

i truly cannot fathom life without her amazing perspective.

she reminds us to take the time to discover the sweet little moments of each day... 

she greets each adventure with an abundance of enthusiasm... 

and the joy that overflows from the very depths of her being speaks life into each soul she comes across.

lily is a living example of and my daily reminder that God's plans are better than my own. for that, Papa God, I am beyond grateful.

dinner drawings...

tonight daddy took aunt b and me to dinner... 

we let the kids tag along. 

we were discussing our days and trying to decide what to eat as lilybug was coloring away on a note pad.

our sweet server came to get our order and as she was finishing up, lily said "hey, i wanna give this to you!"

as lilybug handed the paper to our server, i caught a glimpse of what she'd been working on. it was a cross, colored in pen, and about the size of the piece of paper. the server was gracious and thanked lily for the pretty picture. what came next made us all tear up... lily very proudly exclaimed, 

"that's for Jesus dying on the cross!" 

i want to be courageous... 

i want to be bold... 

i want childlike faith.

national siblings day... a week-ish late.

i heard last thursday was national siblings day. so this makes me a little late to the game... but i thought i'd give a little whirl anyway...

that one there... the one with no hair... he belongs to me. 

my big, little brother.

that kid can (still) push my buttons like no other person on this planet... i mean it. like. no. one. 

he makes me want to call our dad and tattle sometimes... and i'mma big girl... 

his words can come out a little prickly... 

he will throw me under the bus in a new york minute... 

his face is always what i think of when i am digging through my spice cabinet and come across the jar of "dill weed"... 

BUT...

he's brilliant... really. 

he cries when he opens his special christmas presents...

those prickly words... most of the time they're full of truth...

he'll defend me, regardless of the issues, if anyone else were to try to throw me under the bus...

he's a phone call away, any time of the day or night... 

and i love him dearly...

i 'spose i'll keep him.

not just a memory verse

to our sweet teachers, 

thank you... thank you... thank you. you may be teaching reading, writing, and arithmetic... but there is so much more. i cannot imagine how long some days must be, but there is purpose. daily you are planting seeds in the lives of our precious little ones. seeds that are already beginning to bear fruit... seeds that will continue to bear fruit... you are impacting generations.

these may be a couple of gracie's memory verses from january, but i see so much more.

i see a declaration. 

i see a declaration Gods' promises. 

i see those promises of His words in her own sweet handwriting. 

in that handwriting i see the words of her Heavenly Father being declared over her own life.

and, it is priceless.

tea for two

over the weekend lily asked if she could have a tea party outside. 

sure! fantastic! great idea! 

we packed up the plastic tea set and she headed out to the garage while the other kids and daddy were playing basketball.

i stepped out into the garage to find this... and i decided to hang around with the camera to see how it turned out... 

she instructed him on the "proper" way to drink his tea... "pinkies out!"

so he drank and she refilled...

and they laughed... 

and talked about tea parties and what it's like to be four... 

and then he told her she could never get married... ever.

and she told him she was never going away to college cause "who'd snuggle with mommy?" ummmmm, well...

then he asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up to be a big girl. she answered and told him that she wanted to take care of animals. he told her he thought that being a veterinarian was a fantastic idea! this was her reaction to being told someday she could be a vet...

yesp... sweetest thing... ever.

it's the little things...

it's the little things... 

like an escalator ride down and back up...

that make me stop and think... 

Lord, help me to see my world through Your eyes. Help me to take time for the little things, find joy in the little moments, and enjoy every minute of each precious day You've given me with Your children. 

treasures in the birdhouse

this is the sweet little birdhouse lily painted while spending the weekend with andie sophia.

this is the glimpse of "um... that's-not-a-bird" i caught while attempting to tuck her into bed.

this is what the fourteen dollars i've been hunting for looks like after lily unsuccessfully "hid" it into the birdhouse... notice the $10 bill torn in half... "cause it just wouldn't fit!!!"

  ... and the barbie necklace she was hiding from grace.

oh... that... girl.

the little blue bean

 most conversations these days regarding lily start with "oh, that girl..." this is certainly no exception.

she was sitting in my lap at my office telling me all about her day. in true dramatic lily form, she tossed her head back during a particular part of her story and i caught a hint of blue in one of her nostrils. hmmm... she must have a runny nose i thought. but as she tossed that head again, i realized that was not the case. no, not at all. something was blue. pearly blue.

me: "lily, is there something in your nose?"

lily: "yep."

me: "um... what is it? did you put something in your nose."
(panic begins rising at this moment)

lily (as cool as a cucumber): "it's a blue bean. i put it there during P.E."

me: "what?!?!?!?! why????"

squirrel alert: why i ever ask "why" is beyond me. most of the time the response is a shrugging of the shoulders, and a realization that the truth is they don't know. there is no consideration of any consequences. there is (at this point) only a curiosity that drives them to do act. sorry... back to lily's story...

lily: "i don't know."

and the truth was she didn't know, she just did it. and she was very matter-of-fact about it.

i made a beeline for miss karla's office. in her ever calm manner, karla offered to help get it out. i'll spare you all the dramatic details, but i will say that there were four of us holding her down and one with the suction. it didn't work. finally mid-screaming, she was able to blow it out. yuck-o... yes. i don't think lily will do that again. oh, i hope she doesn't do it again...
  

"little blue bean"

you're welcome for the visual.

i can assure you there will be a sequel... just hoping it doesn't involve anything in the nose next time.

so long...

wigglesworth... out!

get lost.

meet wigglesworth, the tooth cale cannot lose. 

cale tried. i tried. aunt b tried. miss karla wants to try.

i'm pretty sure i can see wigglesworth's replacement when it moves to the side.

and yet wigglesworth insists on staying the course.

it sticks out, pushes in, and shifts both ways. 

it's holding on by a thread... root... whatever. 

wigglesworth... your days are numbered.

i get it...

i have had a VERY hard time facing this week... mainly because it's the week of my birthday. i am 

THIRTEEEEEEEEEE-FIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actually, today is the day. in case you didn't know me then, ten years ago (and for many years before) we didn't just celebrate my actual birth-day. we celebrated my birth-month. and by "we", i mean everyone. everyone knew my birthday was on it's way. i made sure of it. then life changed and the pendulum, well it's been heading in the opposite direction for years. yesterday, that pendulum hit its end. i actually said i didn't want to celebrate my birthday. WHAT??? i know, grant and chay, the impossible has actually happened. 

i think a lot of this has come from quite a bit of self-reflection i've been doing lately. apparently i should stop. i certainly don't "feel" thirty-five, but then again, i don't actually know what thirty-five is supposed to feel like. i guess in my head it's a transition age.  things like no more babies, and actually old enough to have given birth to a high-school senior when, in my head i am only twenty-two. how the heck does this happen? where does the time go? how is it possible that my "first child" (hayden) is about to be 15? how is it possible that gracie is halfway to college? WHAT???? this is nuts. oh, there's more reflecting that's gone on, but you get the idea.

and then this morning, while in the shower, i had a God-moment... yep, the kind that aren't your idea. wanna know what the outcome of it was? it was the revelation that i today is not just another birthday i am obligated to, i get another day... because my Papa numbered them and He has good plans for me for today.

my Heavenly Father has blessed me with another day that i get to be His girl... i get the opportunity to say yes to Him and whatever He asks of me... i get to be part of a plan that brings Him glory...

today, i get it. 

tape and all...

i know it's hard to imagine, but my sweet little lily-bug got in trouble one recent evening and was sent to her room. i went in to talk to her once she'd peeled herself off the ceiling for having been sequestered, and found her sitting on her bed, leaning against the wall. it just so happened that she was leaning in the very spot i had taped up an art project she brought home from school... one of those sweet little finger/hand painting projects. so, as she was flailing about (oh, the drama), her hand caught a corner of the picture and it began to rip. i told her how much i liked it, and asked her to be careful so it wouldn't tear any more. wouldn't you know, that precious little angel that God gave me looked right at me... AND RIPPED IT INTO PIECES!!!! oh, girl... noyoudit-untt... SHE DID! i scooped it up and dramatically told her it was headed to the trashcan! and so i did. 

but then as i stood there at the kitchen counter, i began to think about what had just transpired. i thought about my own life... i thought about times i have done the same thing in God's face. BAM! how's that for a little dose of spiritual reality? i had an idea. the kind of ideas that you know are not your own... i decided to take the pieces out of the trash to see if i could put them back together. 

as i did, i thought about how sweet my Heavenly Father is to do the same for me... and for you.

i thought about how we can make a mess of a situation, sometimes it's intentional and sometimes not, but if we will allow Him, He will put our pieces back together... regardless of how disastrous it might seem... He is bigger. 

and before we start feeling ashamed of our dirty, junky pieces, remember that the tape and the lines are nothing to be ashamed of... they are evidence of God's work in us.

lily's picture is on the fridge where i see it several times a day... what a reminder of the grace we are given by our Father who love us unconditionally and longs for us to allow Him to heal and make us whole... tape and all.

Part 2: God is faithful... period.

you know those songs you've heard tons of times that you can hum the tune and maybe sing a line or two, but you've never really listened to the words?

well, this song was one of those for me until very recently. familiar? very. point of the song? dunno.

then... i found myself really hearing it during worship while i was visiting a friends' church. i was minding my own business, singing along, when... BAM! one verse in and it hit me... 

smack-dab between the eyes. 

this was it... this is it. this is our anthem for this journey with cale. if how i have felt... the emotion, the supernatural peace, the gratitude towards my Heavenly Father for preserving my precious son... if i had the right words and could put music to them, this is what it would sound like... 

oh, tooth fairy...

i have a sweet little somebody who lost a tooth! 

i don't know anyone who could look at that precious crooked, toothless, 100% boy grin and not smile...

happy monday night!

 

happy 9th birthday, gracie!

this is hard for this mama to comprehend... 

my sweet girl is 9 today!

nine. n-i-n-e. like one-two-skipafew-NINE!!!!! 

  

what a blessing it is to begin watching her God-given gifts begin to really take shape.  i see love, leadership,   kindness, and compassion really beginning to flow from her. 

i tell her all the time that i'm glad God let me be her mama... and i am.  i wouldn't trade this for anything in the whole world. 

happy birthday, baby.

God is faithful... period.

This is where we were 4 months ago...

Here's where we were today...

God is faithful, and He is always good.

The end.

My heart has been so full today watching my sweet boy get back to what he loves. I tell people all the time, "if you didn't know what happened, you wouldn't know." It's so true.

But four (very short) months ago, even though we knew Cale would be ok , we didn't know what our journey would look like. What has been reaffirmed to us is that God has always been and always will be faithful to His word and to His promises to us and our family. Today was another huge leap forward in this precious journey.

"The LORD will preserve him, and keep him alive; and he shall be blessed upon the earth: and thou wilt not deliver him unto the will of his enemies."

Psalms 41:2